its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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