I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
