I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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