final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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