I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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