I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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