You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
