We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
did i just pee glitter
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
