you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
