Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize