babies were throwing up all over the place
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
