its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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