I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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