Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
