My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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