i think my tv is drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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