It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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