Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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