dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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