Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
