My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The air taste purple.
Randomize