she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
