I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
