$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
