Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
