Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
