So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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