She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize