I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
