Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
