He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
