I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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