its not stalking. its research.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
