this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
