Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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