then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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