also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
