I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
