I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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