AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize