Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
