How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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