I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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