I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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