this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize