I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
