i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
