she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
