I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
