it was like eating out sand paper
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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