Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
