I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
