Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
