I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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