Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We got so high we made milksteak
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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