I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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