I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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