fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
