After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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