Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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