I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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