Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
