Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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