Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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