he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
