I'm jealous of your bromance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
