omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
