im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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