Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
