I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
