I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
