My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
